Ho Ho Ho, No No No: Christmas Movies to Avoid This Holiday Season

It’s that time of the year again. The time where Santa Claus, gingerbread houses and candy canes reign supreme. Also, bad Christmas movies.

It has become a tradition for my family to search streaming services for the worst Christmas movies out there. This year, I’ve taken on the task of reviewing ten of the worst movies that I’ve seen.

The first movie on the list is a Jim Henson movie from 1977: Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. This movie is a classic from my mother’s childhood, but not so much mine. For one, the movie barely includes anything related to Christmas. The whole premise of the movie revolves around a talent show that Emmet and his mother, Ma, sign up for, unknown to the other animal. They secretly want to buy a present for each other. The presents are how far the Christmas-related items extend to though. It features a lot of singing and Kermit the Frog, so if you like that, then this movie is for you.

Elfette Saves Christmas is a movie that is so bad, my family couldn’t even finish watching it. Santa gets kidnapped by the mafia. Do you really need to know anymore?

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the classic Hallmark movies. They’re just so predictable with their storylines, and A Christmas in Vermont isn’t an exception. Riley Thomas is a woman who is a rising star at the company she works for. She is sent by her boss to go to small town Chestnut, Vermont where she meets the young CEO of the company she is evaluating. Of course, instead of telling him that she is shutting down their company for missing profits, she falls in love with the CEO and saves the business, defying her boss and losing out on her job. The only thing I have to add is why is Chevy Chase in this movie, and why is his acting so bad?

Speaking of Chevy Chase, the sequel to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure is not very good. In fact, it’s so bad that Chevy Chase wanted nothing to do with it. The movie starts off with Cousin Eddie being bit by a chimpanzee. In order to avoid being sued, his company (that fired him for being dumber than the chimpanzee) decides to send Eddie and his family on a fully paid vacation to a tropical island. The film is filled with predictable jokes, poor writing and an overall poor budget.

Home Sweet Home Alone is another, more recent, example of an unnecessary spinoff. The antagonists, Pam and Jeff McKenzie, essentially stalk and bully the young Max Mercer for no reason. When the couple breaks into Mercer’s house after his parents left him to steal back a doll, Mercer has set up elaborate pranks to defend himself from the McKenzie’s. The movie is reminiscent of the original Home Alone – and not in a good way. In the words of my mother, the Home Alone series should not have been remade as many times as it has.

Yet another movie featuring criminal activities is Christmas Break-In. This film features 9-year-old Izzy, whose parents have forgotten to pick her up 

on the last day of school before Christmas break. Izzy is also friends with the school janitor, who ends up being kidnapped by a pair of criminals who have taken shelter in the school because of a blizzard. Izzy ends up taking down the criminals and saving the janitor in a quintessential Christmas movie ending. This is another Home Alone wannabe, just without the name recognition attached to it. Also, poor writing and acting, a staple of bad movies.

What’s another way to put a spin on Santa Claus? Giving him a daughter of course! Santa Girl is all about Cassie Klaus, the daughter of the man himself who also happens to be in an arranged marriage with who other than Jack Frost’s son. Cassie heads off to an American university to experience “real life” before she is forced to marry Frost’s son. Did this movie actually need to be created? Probably not, but if you’re a sucker for a holiday romcom then this movie is the perfect one for you.

Santa Claws is a movie that involves poor graphics, poor writing and poor acting. The best example I can give you is when the cats end up in the North Pole. It’s quite obvious that the “snow” is actually just white fabric with a greenscreen behind it. In Santa Claws, Santa is allergic to cats, which is unfortunate since the main family has four kittens. The kittens essentially “kill” Santa and have to deliver the rest of the presents on their own. Sounds like a great movie idea for children.

As if Santa Claws wasn’t bad enough, another extremely bad movie revolving around animals is Santa Stole Our Dog: A Merry Doggone Christmas! Looking at that title does not evoke thoughts that this movie is good. Looking at the cover further solidifies that the movie is bad, which makes it perfect for my family to watch. Santa Stole Our Dog is quite literally the plot of this movie: Santa accidentally steals the family’s dog when he’s delivering presents. The little girl in this movie puts out a wanted poster for Santa and convinces her family to drive to see Santa. They end up in North Pole, Alaska. The film is another unneeded movie put out into the world.

After all these bad movies, I thought we should end off on an okay one: The Christmas Chronicles. Not sure how great it can actually be considered though, since Santa does take the kids he forced to help him to a bar where he steals a car and subsequently gets arrested. The defining moment in the movie is Santa Claus gathering the inmates together to perform “Santa Claus is Back in Town.” One of the protagonists in the movie, Teddy, steals cars (can he be considered a protagonist at that point?), engaging in more criminal activities. What is with all the Christmas movies revolving around crime?

Overall, none of these ten movies are very good. Filled with poor acting and writing, these movies don’t fill you with good holiday spirit, even if they are good for laughs.


All Photos from IMDb.com.